yes, i know it is August

and i realize i haven't posted anything since, well, ummmmmm...
that last post, which was titled a lot but said really nothing at all.
cause i had a lot to say then.
but that in no way amounts to the volume of stuff i have bouncing around in my brain right now. i'm not ready to talk about it all yet. not even one tiny bit. but writing, it helps me.
it helps me remember.
it helps me to feel.
it helps me declutter my thoughts.
it helps me hurt.
it helps me heal.
it helps me laugh.
it helps me cry.
it helps me hold grudges when i just don't want to let it go.
it helps me put away some of the exhausting feelings i have been having of late.
it helps me work it all out.
it helps me. it just freaking helps.

so here i am writing; random, fractured thoughts.
in a nutshell, my head is crazy right now. bouncing, erratic bits of information, questions, emotions, thoughts.
i feel left out by some.
i feel shut out by others.
a lot of people confuse me.
others hurt me in ways i didn't know possible.
i got really pissed off this weekend. i mean like REALLY pissed off.
today was my first day back at work in almost a month.
my new scar on my physical self looks good; healing up nicely. i am a firm believer in that skin super glue.
the new wounds on my heart aren't healing like i think they should. sometimes i wonder if they are meant to heal at all.
i am amazed by the compassion of others.
the outpouring of love and giving in honor of another.
thankful for so much.
those McDonald's french fries were not a nutritious lunch or enough to fill the void in my belly.
my eyes hurt a lot.
i got new glasses last week but they don't quite fit right yet.
i think lucida sans should be the default font for the world.
this might be enough for today.
so i'll end with this:

my heart

a lot

i have a lot to say. i just don't know where to start or where to end.
both of the offspring have been particularly funny lately.
i really like to swim.
the kids like to slip n slide.
roxee likes frogs. (well, i don't know if we have toads or frogs)
i haven't had a lot of time to think lately.
i made a random comment on my friend M's blog.
maybe i'll have more to say tomorrow.
KH-this post was for you.
just so ya know.

the end.

new beginnings

Sweet Pearson Family,
Congratulations on your decision to move to Florida! Not only will you have the luxury of seeing the beautiful beach sun shine on the water, experience the white sands beneath your feet...creeping through your toes, smell the wonderful ocean air, feel the sea breeze caress your hair and body; you will now experience the joy in knowing you are doing everything in your human power to provide the best for your angel boy. (not that you haven't been so far, mind you) I, as one person in our extended family-I can't express with words the feelings I have about you individually, your family, your experiences, your victories, your frustrations, your fears and concerns...or about Autism.
I can tell you, I am proud.
I am proud to have you a part of my life.
I am proud to know you.
I am proud of your decisions.
I am proud of your courage.
I am proud of your hearts.
I am proud of the love you have for your Cohen.
I am proud of you, Cohen, for simply being amazing and an inspiration to me.
I am proud of you, Kelly, for being a mom I always dream of becoming.
I am proud of you, Chad, for being a daddy every child needs to have.
And Emma, I am proud of you, for being the most wonderful best friend a boy could want.
I love you sweet family and wish you all the best. Here's to many more victories in the future!
I love you.
Kayla

meet Cohen...and his talker

Have a minute? Click on the link below and read about Cohen and his "talker." Awesome job, Cohen!

Meet Cohen

things are changing

Mark Patrick turned 2, two weeks ago.
my precious, tiny, bundle of little-man-ess has entered the Terrible Twos.

for Norah, the Terrible Twos started at like 15 months and continued until 3 years old. the tantrums. the defiance. the rebellion. the overall nastiness of two blanketed us, quickly. she was already quite a talker once she turned 2, so there wasn't much of a change there (except after her 2nd birthday she could speak in paragraphs). but as quickly as Terrible Two captured my angel girl; it left her all the same.

MP.
well, MP is different.
his Terrible Twos are just starting to emerge. he's a sneaky little fellow that loves to plunder and be defiant. with the Terrible Twos he enjoys saying "nooooough!", "stop it!", "kit as-pank-im me!", "non't you tell me noough!" among various other phrases that my once 1 year old wouldn't dare scream at mommy. but it's something about Terrible Twos that helps bring the monster out of your seemingly well-behaved child. it's as if a blue-eyed, blonde curly headed snake-dragon has burst open the gates of my child's brain and has vowed to inhabit his mind until mommy goes crazy. well, that's what it feels like anyway.

back to his plundering...MP can walk-sneak anywhere! he can get into my bathroom drawers and cabinets with the ease of a sniper walking through the woods. sometimes he can walk directly behind me and i have no idea he's gone hunting for trouble. he's taken a keen interest in "brusha teeff"; more acturately, the "brusha teeffpaste". he can squirt this stuff like nobody's business. MP apparently has special squeezing hands that allow the "teefpaste" to launch itself out of the tube and land just about anywhere; toilets, cabniets, sissy's hair, on roxee, in roxee's mouth, on his shoes, in his hair, on the mirrors, in the bathtub, along the chair railing...oooh ooh, and windows. needless to say, i have a fresh smelling house. (lol) the newest challenge to conquer has been mommy's new fridge. he can totally swing those doors open and tends to rearrange any and everything he can-as stealthily and quickly as possible. good thing is, he doesn't really get anything OUT of the fridge. oh, unless it's his "goyurt" or the kool-aid pitcher. but seriously, he can literally be standing right beside me and then with a flash, he's vanished. and everyone knows that when you call your kid's name and ask them what they are doing...and all you hear is silence in return, that little someone is doing something wrong. i find him in all sorts of comprimising situations.

in his closet with "ingredients" for cake. (aka mess)
in his room "playing" with his VHS tapes. (aka tearing up)
in his bathroom "cleaning." (aka getting water from the toilet and slinging it all over the bathroom as he "scrubs" everything with a t-shirt)
in sister's room "re-organizing" the bookshelf. (aka taking all the books out and throwing them across the room)
in my bathroom "helping" mommy fix the cabinet. (aka taking all the door knobs off the cabinets and helping himself to lotion)
in the kitchen "cooking" (this entails many different versions...another story)
and my all-time favorite, in roxee's bowl. (i can't tell if he's ever actually eaten her food or if he just likes to lick the water out of the bowl and then put roxee's food in the water piece by piece by piece. ooh yeah, and the unneccessary need of putting his cuppie in roxee's water, ya know so the cuppie will taste better, duh!)

aah, yes. the joys of Terrible Twos. but ya know, i do quite enjoy watching him develop into his own strong personality. he's opinionated. he knows what he wants and likes. he knows what he will not tolerate. he knows when someone is upset and how to comfort them. he knows when roxee needs a love. he knows he's getting the hang of life now. and that makes me proud.

so if you happen to be in the neighborhood this weekend...stop on by for our birthday celebration. i'm sure he'd love to show off his new tricks for you!

pants

MP had a major victory last night!!
he put his pajama pants on all by himself, like a big boy!
i didn't even have to help him with the normal struggle of getting them over the diaper hump!

now...i just need to speed up the continuous work on my time stopping machine so he'll never get any older.

hmmm...

it's been a while fellow inhabitants of the ether world. my apologies to those of you who check our little blog daily. :(
thanks for being so patient!

(first of all, i am in mourning. my beloved blackberry has ceased from working existence. it's still all together, making up one piece...the pieces just don't work together to create a functioning limb of my body. i will have to replace my bb today. hopefully before dark.)

tuesday's are the knucklehead's early day. we have to leave the house by 6:15 AM so mommy can make it to work on time. this means on monday night, bedtime comes early, too. MP is never really a struggle to get to bed; his sister IS a struggle. the first time i got her in her room all snuggled up in bed, she requested "4-5-6-7 books to read." mommy suggested 2 books-to which she countered with "how about 2-3-4-5 books?" we finally settled on three. i told her i loved her and said goodnight. she stopped me on my way out the door and said, "mommy! you forgot my hugs!"
aah, my heart smiles.
hugs are given, i love you's are spoken and goodnight is lingering in the night air when she stops me again, "mommy! you forgot my sugars!" (i am fairly sure i gave her kisses...the first time) sugars are distributed evenly over her and dimple-faced laughter warms my soul.
"i love you Norah! good night scooby doo!"
she doesn't stop me this time as i walk through the door. this sequence of events will play out again soon...well not exactly the same, but similar. two more times actually.

fast forward. 2 AM.

mommy is in the world of dreamers. suddenly, i hear a little man voice shrieking: "rahksee, rahksee, rahksee!"
i do a quick check-roxee is lying on the floor next to the bed. she couldn't have hurt him.
"rahksee rahksee rahksee!" cry, cry, sob, cry.
i leap to him, cradle him tight and ask what's wrong with my man.
he points his finger at my face, near my nose and his feet are sticking out to the side awkwardly.

eeeewwwwwwwwwwww! it's poop...of the canine variety.

how did this happen? and why is it on his hand? and if it is just on his hand, why is he screaming?
my room is of course dark, so we head to the bathroom for disinfectants.
apparently, roxee had to poop last night and for the FIRST time since she's been living with us-pooped in our room. she didn't ask to go out, as far as i can remember. i'm not having any flashbacks of doggie dreams or scratching at my hand.
ugh.
we begin cleaning his hands off and once they are clean i notice the smell seems to be getting stronger.
"ok man! we got your hands all cleaned up. you alright, now?"
mommy's eyes still aren't awake, and apparently, not even open.
"my fput mama, my fput!"
poor little darling boy. i didn't even look at his feet! that's where the poop was! it was only on his hand cause he tried to clean it up himself, first. poor baby. bless it.
alright. foot is clean. poop is off the floor. we are back in bed-meaning, MP joined mommy and daddy for the rest of sleepy time.
however, since little man saw the light so to speak, he was now not interested in any more sleepy time. he stayed up for about another hour and a half. mommy had to get creative...i tried the threats back to the firetruck bed, tried the singing of nite nite songs, daddy had even given it a go. MP did NOT want to go back to sleep. i ask him if he wants to play a game. of course he does!
so here's how it went:
man, cover up and count to three under the covers.
ok mama. he gets underneath the covers and waits.
we count 1-2-3
i pull the covers back and say 'eep eye!'
we giggle.
alright, do it again man.
he gets in position.
we count 1-2-3
i pull the covers back and say 'eep eye!'
we giggle again.
now, man, can you count to five under the covers?
yeah, m'am.
he gets in position.
i wait a little while before starting to count.
i count 1-2-
he's not counting! did it work?
i peep under the covers-he's out.

aaahhh, good. mommy needs sleep.