imagination

Think left and think right and think low and think high. Oh, the thinks you can think up if only you try!
~Dr. Seuss, Oh, the Thinks You Can Think!

my babies have vivid, non-stop, outrageously fantastic imaginations. just recently, Norah, has decided that she has a baby in her belly, that she will soon need a husband to pay the bills, that her Magna Doodle is her homework pad, and that a cat jumps over her bed in the middle of the night and he (the cat) scares her. this cat thing has been happening frequently for a few weeks now. we don't have a cat. we don't like cats at our house. we don't know anyone with a cat (well, aunt j and her kids have one but we don't ever see it).
so where is this coming from? i mean, how can a little girl that so loathes the aloof feline take such a keen interest in 'Garfield: The Movie'? let me tell you about this cat.
right before bed most nights, we all curl up on the couch. we tell each other jokes and giggle. it's a happy time. then, Norah says:
"i don't like cats, mom. i can't sleep in my bed tonight cause this cat will jump over my bed and scare me."
"Oh baby, mommy and daddy won't let that cat scare you. we promise. and where is this cat coming from?"
N: outside my room.
me: outside your room or outside your house?
N: outside my room.
we usually have this same conversation until i get frustrated and tell her, Baby, there are no cats in this house. i will NOT let a cat come in your room and jump over your bed. now, it's night-night time, i'll carry you to your room and tuck you in. come on, sweetheart." and finally she'll pacify me and let me carry her like an infant to her room.
but these explanations are never good enough for her. how else do you explain that A) this is probably just a dream you are having and mommy is sorry that it scares you or B) your imagination is running wild and that's a good thing?
any thoughts? i'll wait... simmer on that one and get back to me soon.

now, MP. he can't quite verbalize what or where his imagination is going or seeing, yet. so, i like to watch him a lot to see how it's working out for him. i've noticed he really enjoys his closet. it's like a make-shift fort. it's fairly large and the closet walls are lined with shelves on one side and halfway lined with shelves on the other. in the middle of the closet is a type of bookcase thingy. and every possible nook and cranny is filled to the brim with toys, BOY toys. it's pretty neat in there actually. but, can you imagine what this must look like to my toddler? it's a wonderland! i've seen his eyes light up as he walks through-soaking in all the colors and textures and shelves. (i know now he looks at the shelves with such awe because he can climb them-almost to the top-terrifying!) i've seen him read his dinosaurs books. i've witnessed a train racing a bulldozer. i've watched his ride-on dump truck become a stepping stool to reach his puzzles. (i had to intervene on that one. i couldn't have him falling, now could i?)
i've spotted a dragon sliding down a 3-tiered parking garage. i've noticed he knows where every single toy is in that closet, at all times.

i soooo want to immerse myself in my children's thoughts and views of the world around them. i want to be able to feel what they feel, see what they see, filter the world just as they do...
but, i can't. therefore, i must rely on my detective skills and keep my ears open for them to show me...to see and feel and filter. and be resolute in helping to cultivate their imaginations.

roxeelicious

roxee is a ham.
well, she's a dog ham.
i mean...she's a dog that's a ham; meaning, she really loves attention.
she's also RIDICULOUSLY hyper. but i caught her lying down on the job yesterday...

c'mon, let's all say it together...aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!

dang it. i can't get my words to left align. they are stuck in center. i don't like that. ok, i think i fixed the problem.

anyways, back to roxee. she's a pretty awesome dog. and the kids are smitten with her! they like to give her nicknames. sometimes, she can be called 15 names in one night. :) adorable.
here's a little run down:
roxee-girl
roxeelee
roxeelicious
roxanne
roxine
baby girl
my girl
foxy roxee
roxeedelicous---huh?

yep. roxeedelicious is the newest nickname. norah dubbed this appropriate.
i wonder if she realizes in some countries, people really do eat dog? i should probably leave that to myself.
this is a boring post. i just wanted to show off the picture of my girls.
blar. i think i have writer's block or something.

GET ANGRY! I AM!

My sweet cousin, Cohen, is in desperate need of ample medical coverage. Cohen was diagnosed with Autism at an early age, he's non-verbal and has terrible digestive problems associated with this diagnosis. He and his parents are having a awfully difficult time affording life, medical bills, therapy, medication, speech devices, etc.  The government office responsible for taking care of the disabled and under-insured, MS Medicaid, has blatantly lied to my wonderful family. LIED!

Cohen's family keeps a beautiful blog of his progress but unfortunately, their most recent post is horrific!
I've included below both the text from today's post and a link to Cohen's blog.
Become a follower, post your comments, help us take a stand!
Please, don't pity them. FIGHT with them; FIGHT FOR THEM! THEY DESERVE BETTER!
Let's help their voice be heard!

Thanks in advance sweet friends.

http://cohenpearson.blogspot.com/

Part 3 of the Medicaid/Disability Battle
I apologize in advance for the rant... So, yesterday morning, I was on the phone with the Director of the Madison County Medicaid Office.
Let me back up, in order for Cohen to be eligible for Medicaid, he first has to be ruled disabled by the State of Mississippi, which I think is ridiculous. He has been ruled disabled by state twice already - once for the First Steps program (which was about as big of a pain and little of a help as this has been) and the public school system. Madison County public schools already ruled him somewhat disabled, because he has been placed in a school strictly for special needs kids. Anyway, once ruled disabled, the application passes through the department of Maternal Child Health (I think that is right, they are never really clear on this), which has something to do with the fact that our income is greater that the maximum allowed for Medicaid, which is outrageous. (Chad and I would BOTH have to quit our jobs, get on unemployment, all 3 of us on Medicaid and food stamps in order for Cohen to be eligible based on income alone. Ridiculous.) Then it is passed on the Medicaid office - this whole process is supposedly a 90-day event.
Anyway, back to call... to make a long story short. She told me that the application and mounds of paperwork and photocopied of SS cards and birth certificates and doctor's notes and evaluations - all the information that took me around 4-6 weeks to prepare had never been filed, and that she somehow was lacking a gray form and a copy of Cohen's birth certificate - both of which I knew I had included in the original documentation. I was so angry, I was shaking, but I tried to keep my cool on the phone... his paperwork was never filed. His application was never filed. Never filed. All those calls and visits I made to the office just to check in and see how things were going in the process, I was lied to. Flat out lied to. They told me to wait my 90 days... it is Christmas holidays, things get backed up... I am sure it is being worked on... you'll hear something, etc. Well, 90 days passed and I had not heard the first thing, not the first thing other than what I had called and requested information on. So 90 days, I called my liar of a caseworker, and he told me Cohen was denied. Another big, fat LIE, because nothing was ever filed. On top of that, he told me I couldn't file again within a year, which is absurd. I guess he was just hoping that I would forget about it or perhaps he would another job by then and not have to deal with me... boy, was he wrong.
So, I told the director, I would be glad to drive all the way up to Canton and bring Cohen's birth certificate and fill out that one form she was lacking. So, I did... I also took Cohen's 4-inch notebook of medical records with me, just in case. And surprise, surprise, I needed that as well.
I got to the office, and (I will try to keep this short, but it was a lengthy visit) come to find out, they "lost" all of the paperwork - all the mounds of paperwork and applications and doctor's notes and evaluations and copies of my driver's license and our SS cards and birth certificates. ALL OF IT. All of the information that took me weeks to prepare. It just vanished. UGH!
And they lied to me about it for 90 days. Flat out lied to me about it for 90 days. All they had to do early in the game was give me a call and let me know the paperwork had been misplaced and let's get another set together. I would have been a little upset, but nothing like this. Instead, I was lied to for 90 days, and then another 2 weeks actually. Our lives literally hung in the balance in for 3 months... awaiting medical coverage for our son for his speech device and therapies and an MRI next week. Things that are not covered by our private insurance due to his autism diagnosis. Things that we cannot afford. Yes, Chad and I both work, but we don't make enough money to manage our lives and pay our cost of living bills and the exorbitant amount of medical and therapy bills for Cohen that insurance does not cover. I have said before, and I will say it again, but we are hard working, well educated, tax paying citizens, and WE DESERVE medical care for our child in some form or fashion.
Back to the meeting, our lives hung in limbo for those 3 months... we were waiting to get Cohen his AAC device and trying to figure out how were going to afford therapy all summer, since there is no option for summer school for him. Therapy at $65/25 minutes adds up quick, and Medicaid would cover that, as well as the speech device we already purchased out of pocket and everything else we deal with on a day-to-day basis, the medications and therapies and tests. While we were checking the mail everyday, hopeful that something would tell us we were approved (we have been told by every doctor, therapist and specialist that Cohen is eligible and should be on Medicaid), they never even filed it, and LIED the whole time.
And now my paperwork is missing... I guess I need to get our social security numbers on some sort of watch list for identity theft, because no one knows where all my paperwork is. All of Cohen's hospital records and test results and doctor's notes are gone! Violation of HIPPA? I think so...!
To wrap this up, the director let me basically yell at the liar for about 15 minutes. He barely even apologized. He should be fired. Actually, no, he should have wait in fear that he is going to be fired for 90 days, and then told that he was going to get to keep his job, and lied to about that for a couple of weeks, then he should fired.
Not sure how the director was notified of the situation - she said someone called her, but would not give her source. So, I guess I did something right.... wrote a letter or made a phone call somewhere along the way that sparked some initiative. So thank you to whoever is helping me. I really appreciate it.
But the situation is not resolved. Is this how we have to get health care for our kids? Cohen still is in the same boat as he has been for the past couple of years. Chad and I still have to pay the majority of his medical expenses out of pocket. I still work three jobs to make that happen. This is not how it should be. We are still in limbo not sure what we need to do, what is best for Cohen... it is looking like a move to Florida to a private school for autism. Did you know Florida passed the Autism reform bill... forcing private insurance to pay up to $36K/year in autism-coded medical bills? They also have a scholarship for kids with special needs to utilize in the event the public schools don't meet their needs. They give you money to send you kid to a private school just for their special disability. Sure would be nice if the state with one of the worst schools systems and worst America's Health Ranking in the US would step up and make a difference in the lives of these kids and their families.

Ok, must get to work now… have to pay the bills.

finger touches

it's the little things that you love and cherish the most, isn't it?
memories from childhood you hold tight.
daily routines with your angels.
smells. touches. textures.
your favorite t-shirt that's ripped and torn and- you get the picture.

i witnessed one of these moments yesterday, several actually.
my hubby came home early from out of town and i picked him up from his shop in the early afternoon. the first thing i saw was his smile, i love his smile.
it's the little things.

we went and got the children from Ms. T's house shortly after. they knew he was coming home and had been talking about it non-stop. when we walked in, they were busy being kiddos, not paying attention to much except their friends. they saw daddy. squeals! sweet dimples are glowing, eyes are shining, arms are wrapping and holding on tight. their little legs are working hard to climb up the big daddy mountain. oh, the delight!
daddy is beaming. you can feel his smile radiating from across the room.
his smile. i love his smile.
it's the little things.

we had to stop at the gas station and pick up a few things on the way home. daddy gets out, goes in the store, walks back to the car and he stops at Mark Patrick's window. daddy presses his pointer finger against the glass.
instinctively, Mark Patrick's tiny pointer meets his daddy's finger perfectly on the opposite side of the glass. they both laugh. daddy says, "Man-man, I've missed that every single day I've been away."
he smiles. i love his smile.
it's the little things.

we've been home a while now. Norie is snuggled up with her dah-tee. (she likes to pretend like she's little, sometimes; when she's not acting 25) i see him smell her hair, caress her little face. she scoots a little closer- just a little closer. daddy makes us all feel just a bit safer, more secure, protected.
he smiles.
i. love. his. smile.

i don't have to travel with my job. i see these precious sparkles of light our children give us, everyday. i've never had to be away; never had to miss these moments that stop our hearts with bursts of love. and it made me wonder...why is it so hard to immerse ourselves in these bright flashes of life, in the moment, as they happen, everyday?
for me, i've realized, it's time. i rush through life-organizing, cleaning, cooking, disciplining, working, re-organizing, working, cleaning, cooking, chauffeuring, doctoring, feeding, washing, working, cleaning, cooking...
i'm gonna be certain today-to slow down the madness. take inventory. prioritize. sweep away the unnecessary. apply the moment, to the moment.

we missed daddy.
he missed the little things.
finger touches.

excitement

I don't have a lot to say today guys...I'm on the verge of squealing to be honest.
My husband comes home today. One week and one day early!
YYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYY!
Stay tuned...more hilarious moments to come!

tid bits

if you haven't noticed...i'm a bit of a scatter brain. i've been trying all morning to get some semblence of a post together-i keep coming up short. so here, in all it's befuddled glory are tid bits from last night:

-the kids wanted a moist and delicious cupcake for their afternoon snack. i gave in. i usually don't let them have something that decadent and filling before dinner...but everyone needs a little indulgence-a treat for the soul, if you will. here's a window into that loveliness:

-i knew had to start dinner quickly; the pork roast was gonna take a while to cook. pre-heat oven, check. put field peas in pan, check. get out box-o-noodles, check. put roast in pyrex, check.

-roxee needs to do her thang, outside. she's talking fast, and jumping like kids do when they just can't hold it any longer. we went. we ran around. the kids are still reveling in chocolate heaven.
-time to start seasoning everything. i grabbed the pepper, nope-that would be mustard seeds. i tried again. pepper, shaken vigirously onto the peas. huh, pepper is black and that is...NUTMEG!? (fail) i decided looking at the seasoning might make this less painful. pepper is found, opened up-shook on to the peas. oops, the wrong side is open. pepper was poured into the peas. (fail)
-oven's ready. pork roast is slipped into the, ARGH! i left the cupcakes in the oven? ha, yeah, i guess i did. OOPS! cupcakes are now a gooey mess of nasty. (fail)
-play time for the kiddies. they love play time. Norie selects the art easel for her creative canvas tonight, the dry erase marker board side. MP makes room for himself at the easel as well. FUN!
-MP is such a thoughtful little man! He gave himself a green dry erase marker mustache and then gave one to the bathroom door! (i tried to get a picture but as soon as i got the camera out his "I am in so much trouble" tears ruined the mustache)
-Tennie and Papaw come over to change the carport "lightbug." Norah, MP and Rox are estatic! company at 7 PM! it must be a holiday! MP decides to show off his dare-devil skills, fearlessly jumping from the "otterman" to the "crouch." it's hilarious. you should see it. he stands on the otterman, desperately trying to keep his balance on the mushy underfoot, takes a deep breath, bends his knees, and launches himself. only half of his body seems to make the leap, everytime. head on crouch, feet dangling to the floor. it's bliss for him.
-bedtime. good times. roxee and i are on the couch. kids are tucked away in their beds. roxee hasn't been feeling well for the past few weeks, poor little four legged creature. she flips to her back. legs strrreeetttccchhhiinnnggg out-head flopping from side to side. adorable. look at me! aren't i cute! wanna play? watch, i can make you pet me. look at these eyes. aww, c'mon, give me some lovin. glad you're feeling better, girlfriend.
-bedtime. good times. letterman's on the tube. this creates the perfect atmosphere for...*snore*

cupcakes

We made cupcakes yesterday! The moist and scrumptious fun-fetti, chocolate covered kind. mmmm, muy muy delicious! We had a good time. Really, we did. The best part was eating them-for me anyways. I think the kids more enjoyed making them. They enjoyed stirring, pouring, tasting. LOTS of tasting. HA! The evening was filled with thoughts of "more cho-ate amorrow!"
Then morning came.
MP woke up around 4 AM. I think he heard me shut the door after taking Roxee out. He sped into my bedroom, squealing, "DAAAAAADDDDYYYYY!"
He looked in the bed, the bathroom, the closet. "DDAAAAADDDDYYY!"
"Daddy's not here buddy...come here, let mama snuggle you. Make you cozy."
He's crying now. Oh that hurts, oh man that hurts.
We fell asleep.

It's time to get up now. Blar. I don't wanna get up today.
Daddy called. He's in a hurry. Just has a quick minute to say "Good Morning!"
I decided that MP probably needed to hear from his daddy today after the early morning let down. I hand him the phone. Norie is patiently waiting for her turn. Daddy has to go. OH NO!
Tears ensue. Lots and Lots and LOTS of tears. Poor darling, mommy's here... But it's not the same, I'm not daddy.

We're in the car now, on the way to school. Norie "leeds" to call Papaw. He "leeds" to make her feel better. I hand over the phone.
I hear her angelic voice say, "I miss my daddy, Papaw." They talk, she's better. Thank GOD for Papaws. I can't take it when my babies hurt.
Finally, we're at school. The kids perk up cause we're at Ms. T's house!
WOO HOO! We LOVE Ms. T!

I'm alone in the car; hot tears flow down my cheeks. I can't take it when my babies hurt. And then I realize, I hurt, too.
He's still in Florida. Their daddy. My husband.

And I miss him.