Free

my children are amazing.
every. single. ounce. of. them. is. amazing.
the smiles.
the silly faces.
the impersonations.
the laughter that erupts from nowhere and stays until their little faces turn red.
the hugs.
the kisses.
the spontaneous emotions.
the conversation.
the imagination.
the bossiness.
the defiance.
the independence.
all of it.
it's all amazing.

as a babysitter in my younger years, i always knew that little ones were cool. but i never really GOT how these little creatures are just so miraculous; until i was a mommy. now i see the amazing-ness all around me everyday. take for example this morning. let me set the scene:
7:05 AM
we've just dropped daddy off at work.
the kids and i are in the car alone with a 20 minute drive ahead of us.
fun. i know.
i roll the windows down.
decide on a radio station.
seek approval from the littles on choice of station.
and crank up the music-LOUD.
thankfully, this morning, there was a slew of good sing-a-long type songs to be heard. and we dove right in.
'Free' by Zac Brown Band is one of their favorites and it was the first one we listened to today.
i sneak a peek at their beautiful faces.
MP is squealing, "my song! my song! sissy, you heeeaaaarrr? my song!"
Norie is tapping her sweet hands to the beat on her door window. her eyes slowing closing as the chorus begins...
"Just as free
Free as we'll ever be
Just as free
Free as we'll ever be"
my babies belt out those words as loud as their voices will let them. swaying to the music. having no real understanding of how fitting this chorus is for this moment in our lives.
we've got no worries in this moment.
no stress.
just beautiful music, harmonies, and love.
all three of us continue singing in unison with Zac and his band.
i sneak another peak because i know that MP's favorite part is coming up.
his smile is wide and carefree. little teeth beaming through and blond locks glowing in the sun. Norie is bobbing her head. singing every word. (on key)
and suddenly, collectively, our voices get soft...
"No we don't have a lot of money (voices soft)
No we don't have a lot of money (getting louder)
No we don't have a lot of money (almost to full blast)
All we need is love" (singing our hearts out LOUDLY)
i get overwhelmed each time i hear them sing those words. my babies don't know that we are, in fact, not wealthy.
but they DO know-love surrounds them.
they DO know our family is close. (grandmas, grandpas, aunties, uncles, cousins-all of us)
they DO know someone will always be there for them. no matter what the situation.
they DO know in our family we overuse 'i love you'.
they DO know hugs and kisses are unlimited.
because in our family: "ALL WE NEED IS LOVE"
my babies show me the meaning of this phrase-everyday.

amazing, isn't it?

birthday e-vites

Princess Norah is turning four,
Won’t you come with us to explore?
Fish, butterflies, alligators and sharks
And some more critters from Noah’s Ark
Are waiting for you to come by and see ‘em…
At the Natural Science Museum!
Cupcakes and juice will be there too,
Now we’re just waiting to hear from you!

Natural Science Museum
Saturday, August 21, 2010
10 AM-12 PM

yes, i know it is August

and i realize i haven't posted anything since, well, ummmmmm...
that last post, which was titled a lot but said really nothing at all.
cause i had a lot to say then.
but that in no way amounts to the volume of stuff i have bouncing around in my brain right now. i'm not ready to talk about it all yet. not even one tiny bit. but writing, it helps me.
it helps me remember.
it helps me to feel.
it helps me declutter my thoughts.
it helps me hurt.
it helps me heal.
it helps me laugh.
it helps me cry.
it helps me hold grudges when i just don't want to let it go.
it helps me put away some of the exhausting feelings i have been having of late.
it helps me work it all out.
it helps me. it just freaking helps.

so here i am writing; random, fractured thoughts.
in a nutshell, my head is crazy right now. bouncing, erratic bits of information, questions, emotions, thoughts.
i feel left out by some.
i feel shut out by others.
a lot of people confuse me.
others hurt me in ways i didn't know possible.
i got really pissed off this weekend. i mean like REALLY pissed off.
today was my first day back at work in almost a month.
my new scar on my physical self looks good; healing up nicely. i am a firm believer in that skin super glue.
the new wounds on my heart aren't healing like i think they should. sometimes i wonder if they are meant to heal at all.
i am amazed by the compassion of others.
the outpouring of love and giving in honor of another.
thankful for so much.
those McDonald's french fries were not a nutritious lunch or enough to fill the void in my belly.
my eyes hurt a lot.
i got new glasses last week but they don't quite fit right yet.
i think lucida sans should be the default font for the world.
this might be enough for today.
so i'll end with this:

my heart